Occasionally, I think about doing a project, but immediately think, “It probably won’t work anyway,” and I give up on the idea. Why do I do that?
It’s because of fear. I’m afraid I’ll fail if I try to do it.
Fear of failure stops me because I’m afraid if I fail, others might think I’m stupid or incompetent. Or, I would rather not face my failure because I’m afraid it will make me feel bad about myself.
Fear of Failure is An Unrealistic and Limiting Belief
Where did we get the idea that failure makes us look bad? Is it from our culture’s success-oriented, everything is epic, social media look-at-how-wonderful-and-perfect-my-life-is mentality?
It’s not realistic to assume that everything we do will be successful. It’s not up to us how others respond to our work. It’s not in our control.
Some things we do will be successful, and some won’t. That’s the way the world works. Do we accept reality and work with it or attempt to create a false image of ourselves as a person who is immune from failure?
Being afraid of failure is an extremely limiting belief. It keeps us from trying anything that might fail, which means anything out of the ordinary, unique, or that pushes the boundaries of what we always do. In other words, it limits our growth as persons and creators.
Overcome Your Fear of Failure by Using the Mantra, “This Might Not Work.”
In his book Daily Creative, Todd Henry describes an interview he had with author Seth Godin. He says that Godin used the phrase “this might not work,” and Henry has adopted this phrase in beginning any kind of new work.
“So “this might not work” becomes a kind of permission slip to try hard things without worrying about the consequences.” Going into a project with “this might not work” sets realistic expectations, and allows for the possibility of failure.
It gives us permission to undertake projects even though we might not succeed.
It avoids the crippling expectation that everything we do will succeed. Furthermore, it frees us to try new things. We do the work but know we don’t control the outcome.
But What if You Fail?
“This might not work” frees us to try something new, but what if we fail? Then what? How do we deal with that?
• Recognize that failure is rarely fatal. Yes, we could lose time and money on a project that doesn’t succeed, but it’s not going to kill us. (Unless we decide to try climbing the vertical rock face of El Capitan in Yosemite without safety ropes and no training).
It’s important to keep failures in proper perspective. Psychologists tell us that we are impacted by and remember our failures much more than we do our successes. This causes us to overemphasize and take our failures too seriously.
• Failure is not something to beat yourself up over. We will succeed at some things, and fail at others. That’s how life is. No one succeeds at everything they do (no matter how hard they may try to convince other people that they always succeed).
When you go into a project with the attitude of “this might not work,” you acknowledge up front that success isn’t guaranteed. So why beat yourself up for something you knew was possible?
As Jon Acuff writes in his book Soundtracks, “Instead of berating yourself with phrases like “I’m the worst at focusing” or “This will never work,” all you do is say “Oh well” and begin again.”
• Learn from your mistakes, if any. Not all failure is because we make mistakes or didn’t work hard enough. We only control our work, not how people will respond to it.
If you fail, take advantage of the opportunity to learn something from the feedback. Was there something you could have done differently? Was there something you didn’t do that might have increased the chances of success?
• Move on. When you started this project, you said, “This might not work.” When it didn’t work, it’s time to acknowledge this, pick yourself up, and move on.
The worse thing that could happen is not that failure occurred, but that this failure will keep you from trying new things.