The Problem with “Always Doing Your Best”
Many productivity gurus insist we always do our best in all areas of life. But is that truly helpful—or even realistic?
The mindset in the business world of “excellence in all we do” has been adopted by productivity and personal growth teachers who insist that we always do our best in all aspects of our lives.
I’m aware of one productivity writer who recommends that people review their lives weekly and rate their performance on a number scale, asking, “Did I do my best?” for each area of their lives. This implies and assumes the proper goal is to do your best in all areas every week.
That’s the wrong question to ask for a life review. And it’s the wrong goal. “Did I do my best?” is ineffective and potentially damaging when assessing our lives.
It presumes that the goal is to do our best in everything we do, and in all of the areas of our lives at all times. It’s a standard of perfection that’s impossible to achieve. It sets us up for failure and beating ourselves up. It doesn’t guide us to a positive response and growth.
Why Perfection Isn’t the Right Goal
It is impossible for finite human beings to “do their best” in every area of their lives weekly. As Anne-Laure Le Cunff writes, “…you can’t maintain equal effort across all the essential aspects of your life.” Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World .
Rather than taking on the impossible task of achieving an equal balance of effort in each area of life, our objective should be to accept our limitations and embrace “the perpetual juggle of life, where we must stay in movement—never quite achieving balance but constantly directing our attention to what is most important in the here and now.” Anne-Laure Le Cunff, Tiny Experiments.
We must decide what aspect of our lives is most important moment by moment and focus on doing that without regard to achieving some impossible standard of balance.
Intentional Imperfection: A Practical Approach to Life Balance
Rather than struggling in a vain attempt to achieve perfect balance, a more realistic and practical approach is to embrace the concept of “intentional imperfection.”
“Intentional imperfection means being deliberate about where you invest your efforts, recognizing that you cannot be at the very top all the time and across all areas of life. It’s about striving for sustainable excellence rather than fleeting perfection.” Anne-Laure Le Cunff, Tiny Experiments.
“Did I do my best?” assumes the only acceptable level of effort is one—my best. It fails to recognize that, due to human limitations, we can’t be “best” at everything we do.
It also fails to recognize that it is legitimate (and much more realistic) to choose not to be our “best” at everything we do. We can select our performance level based on the task’s nature and the moment’s need.
An Example of How Intentional Imperfection Works
When a blog post publishing deadline looms, editing and preparing the post for publication typically becomes my primary focus. At the moment, it is the most important thing for me to do.
But what happens if my wife calls and tells me she’s been injured in an auto accident and is in the hospital? I’d immediately drop my focus on the blog and rush to the hospital, where my complete focus would now be on supporting my wife.
At that point, the “most important thing for me to focus on” changed from preparing my blog post to caring for my partner. I intentionally make my blog publishing imperfect to focus on what’s most important now.
“Life balance is achieved when you are purposeful about how and where you spend your time, energy, and effort. At different times in your life, you will choose to focus on one area over another, and that’s perfectly fine, provided it’s intentional.” The Twelve Week Year, by Brian P. Moran and Michael Lennington.
I’m not obligated by the business or productivity culture ethic of “excellence in everything we do” to attempt to do my best at everything I do. Instead, I can recognize human limitations and choose a path of intentional imperfection.
Why “Did I Do My Best?” Sets You Up for Failure
On the surface, “Did I do my best?” sounds motivational and positive, but there are some significant problems with asking ourselves this limited question.
• It sets impossible perfection standards. This question assumes that the standard to meet is doing one’s best in every area of life.
That’s an impossible standard. We don’t have the time or energy to be our best in everything we do, and if we try, we will burn out.
• Encourages negative self-judgment. Since it’s a standard of perfection, you’ll always fall short of the ideal. Asking this question leads to a sense of failure.
If we’re honest with ourselves, we will always have to answer, “No, I didn’t do my best.” There is always more I could have done.
“Did I do my best?” is a yes or no question. It’s black or white, pass or fail. It allows for no variations or evaluation on a spectrum.
If you answer no, I didn’t do my best, you failed. It’s easy for that to evolve into “I’m a failure.” It naturally leads to a negative, unproductive evaluation of your behavior.
It is helpful to have ideals with which to compare your behavior. But ideals are just that—ideals, not wholly achievable goals. As humans, we will never live up to our ideals in all areas of our lives.
It is not helpful to ask if you’ve met those ideals each quarter. An ideal is not something you can do or not do; it is a lofty concept of perfect behavior.
3. It doesn’t help to reinterpret “Did I do my best” to “Did I do my best under the circumstances?”
First, that’s not the question as stated.
Asking “Did I do my best” regarding an ideal is not the same as advising someone or asking yourself to “do the best you can.”
“Do the best you can” recognizes that people compromise their performance level due to circumstances and the balancing of priorities. It allows for evaluation and an intentional level of effort on a spectrum.
“Did I do my best?” asks me to evaluate whether I did everything possible to meet my ideal and does not allow for evaluation on a spectrum since it can only be answered with a yes or no.
Unless you’re willing to rationalize from the “best” standard, it’s ultimately destructive, condemning, negative, and impossible to meet. It discourages, not encourages.
Three Better Questions to Guide Your Life Reviews
It is valuable to have ideals for our behavior in all the roles of our lives. But those statements are more compasses pointing me in the right direction than impossible standards of perfection.
I have identified the roles in my life and written an ideal behavior description for each role, such as Husband, Father, Friend, Student, Teacher and Guide, Healthy Person, etc. See David Sparks, The Productivity Field Guide.
I can’t know if I’m living the kind of life I intend unless I periodically review my behavior and compare it to my written intentions. For this reason, I perform weekly and quarterly reviews to evaluate my performance in each role.
In my reviews, I read my statement of ideal behavior and ask myself three questions (These are based on The Productivity Field Guide by David Sparks.)
• How am I doing?
• What could I do better?
• How do I do it?
You’ll notice that none of these questions can be answered with a “yes” or a “no.” These are not pass-or-fail questions. They invite me to evaluate my behavior along a spectrum and give me a general sense of how closely my behavior matches my ideals.
They are also questions that invite positive action and correction. What could I do better, and how would I make that happen? The focus is on constant growth and intentional living.
Choose Flexibility, Not Perfection
Life demands flexibility; choosing what’s truly important in each moment matters far more than rigidly aiming for an impossible standard of balancing all the areas of your life.
This week, replace ‘Did I do my best?’ with ‘How am I doing?’ in your personal review. Notice how your self-talk and insights change.
AI Note: I wrote this blog post myself, using my own words for the initial draft. I used AI only to suggest headlines, section headings, and improvements to the text.
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