I don’t see much written in tech circles about introversion. I think that’s strange because it appears to me most tech nerds are introverts.
1. Are You an Introvert?
There is a lot of misunderstanding about what introversion is. In our culture, extroversion is held up as the ideal personality. Many introverts grow up thinking there is something wrong with them because they’re not extroverts.
Understanding that I was an introvert, and what that meant, was a breakthrough for me. I became aware of why I do what I do, and what I needed to do to manage my energy.
Fortunately, several excellent books have been written about introversion recently. These include The Introvert Advantage, by Marti Laney, The Introvert’s Way, by Sophia Dembling, and Quiet, by Susan Cain.
Being an introvert doesn’t mean you’re shy or don’t like people. It also doesn’t mean you’re depressed, bored, stuck up, or have nothing worth saying. Those are all extrovert interpretations of introversion.
Introverts are people who function better with less external stimulation than extroverts. Extroverts want to socialize with many people and experience many new places and things.
introverts’ brains stay very busy all by themselves and are easily overwhelmed by too much going on around us.
Sophia Dembling, The Introvert’s Way
Introverts tend to focus more on their thoughts and feelings and enjoy solitude and quieter activities. They tend to be more reflective and introspective.
Introverts often find it energy-draining to be in large social groups and make small talk. They’d rather have deeper conversions with another person or a small group.
“The strongest distinguishing characteristic of introverts is their energy source: Introverts draw energy from their internal world of ideas, emotions, and impressions.”
Marti Laney, The Introvert Advantage
You’re an introvert if you recharge your energy by being by yourself. You’re an extrovert if you recharge your energy by having more contacts with the external world, like being with people, doing things, and going places. “The primary difference between introverts and extroverts is how they recharge their batteries.” (Marti Laney, The Introvert Advantage)
2. Many Tech Introverts Don’t Understand Their Introversion
I’ve heard several nerd introverts make statements that show they don’t really understand introversion. One podcaster acknowledged he was an introvert, but then wondered why he would enjoy podcasting, a form of public speaking, as an introvert. He assumed, incorrectly, that introverts could not enjoy speaking activities.
There is no conflict between the two. Podcasting or making speeches are situations where an introvert can have almost total control over what happens, can prepare in advance, and talk in-depth about topics he or she cares about. They are both one-way conversations. Even if a podcaster has a co-host, it’s normally someone they enjoy being with. Again, not a problem for an introvert.
3. What Introverts Need to Stay Happy
Recently, Jenn Granneman published an article in her blog, “12 Things Introverts Absolutely Need in Life to Be Happy.” It’s a great article that summarizes a lot of what I need as a card-carrying introvert.
Here are some of the highlights of what introverts need that resonated with me:
• Time to wind down and process. Our energy is drained in crowds or any noisy and invasive environment. We require time by ourselves to recharge our batteries and time to process what we’ve taken in.
After participating in energy-draining activities, we need to schedule downtime to recharge. “The single most important skill for introverts is managing our energy.” (Sophia Dembling, The Introvert’s Way).
If I’m going to be giving a presentation at my local Mac club, I’ve learned it’s important for me to schedule down time afterward and not just jump into another energy-intensive activity. If I do, I’ll quickly become grumpy and irritable
• Meaningful conversation. “Introverts … are energized by the internal world—by ideas, impressions, and emotions.” (Marti Laney, The Introvert Advantage). Idle chit-chat drains our energy, meaningful conversations energize us.
• Companionable silence. For introverts, there’s nothing wrong with being together with someone else in silence. While an extrovert would feel compelled to fill up the silence with stimulation, we don’t. There are many evenings when my wife and me, best friends, sit in the living room reading from our iPads and not talking to each other.
• A quiet space that’s all ours. Many introverts prefer to work independently and in solitude. We treasure a quiet location all our own where we can work and think.
• Permission to remain quiet. “Know what introverts hate? Team-building exercises. Know what else? Brainstorming sessions. Also standing up in meetings and telling everyone a little bit about themselves.” (Sophia Dembling, The Introvert’s Way).
It’s not always “good for us” to be forced into talking when we don’t want to. That’s imposing an extrovert standard on an introvert, and not acknowledging that introverts have different needs and desires. Often it’s better for us to just stay quiet to absorb and think.
4. It’s OK to be An Introvert
There are many strengths that come with being an introvert. We tend to be good listeners, deep thinkers, good at independent work, and have strong writing skills.
Introverts have entirely unique needs from that of extroverts. It’s OK to acknowledge your needs as an introvert and seek the contexts that meet your needs.
Perhaps you’re an introvert, and one or more of the “needs” discussed in this article resonates with you. If so, I encourage you to take the steps necessary to make these things happen in your life. Sometimes that takes having a forthright conversation with friends, coworkers, or partners.