The Everyday Trap of Taking Life for Granted
We all fall into the trap of taking things or people for granted. We take spouses for granted, friends for granted, co-workers for granted, and even our possessions.
We get used to the things and people we have and pretend they will be there forever. Even though we know nothing in life is permanent, we act as though it is.
The Cultural Denial of Death and Why We Need to Embrace It
We live in a culture that often shies away from acknowledging death.
We don’t typically see death. It’s out of sight, tucked away in hospitals and nursing homes, leaving many of us uncomfortable even thinking about it.
We’re uncomfortable thinking about death, and yet it is the one thing we know will happen to each of us and everyone we know. Instead of being morbid and pessimistic, contemplating death and loss can bring moments of joy and delight to life.
What If This Moment Were the Last?
Every time we do something, there’s a chance it could be the last.
For instance, when I kiss my wife and go out the door to go on an errand, it may be for the last time. If I go hiking or backpacking, it may also be for the last time if I am injured or die. If I have a conversation or lunch with a friend, that might be for the last time.
Finding Meaning in Final Moments: A Personal Story
I remember feeling this way when visiting places and meeting people before we moved from Arizona to South Dakota.
When I visited my favorite coffee shop for what I knew would be my last time, I paid more attention to the details and enjoyed the experience more than usual. When I met with a friend, I thought, “This is likely the last time I’ll ever meet with this person.” Because of my “last time” thoughts, I valued our time together more than usual.
The same thing happened when I visited a beautiful location in Arizona and knew it would likely be for the last time. I took in more of the details. I focused on the experience of my presence in that location and how I felt.
Bringing ‘Last Time’ Awareness to Everyday Life
The awareness that we, or those we love, might not be here tomorrow can bring a profound appreciation to even the most ordinary moments.
We can bring this awareness at any time, knowing nothing is guaranteed. And we can do it in all circumstances.
While we often assume that the young are more likely to appreciate life, the opposite can be true. As William B. Irvine wrote in A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy, “It is entirely possible for an octogenarian to be more joyful than her twenty-year-old grandchild, particularly if the octogenarian, in part because of her failing health, takes nothing for granted, while the grandchild, in part because of her perfect health, takes everything for granted and has therefore decided that life is a bore.”
A Stoic Practice: Embrace Negative Visualization to Appreciate Life More
Stoic philosophers encouraged the process of “negative visualization,” imagining losing the people or things you value. William B. Irvine pointed out, “Epictetus counsels that when we say good-bye to a friend, we should silently remind ourselves that this might be our final parting. If we do this, we will be less likely to take our friends for granted, and as a result, we will probably derive far more pleasure from friendships than we otherwise would.” A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy
I encourage you to try Stoic negative visualization. Imagine for a moment what life would be like without the people and things you hold dear. I can almost guarantee it will heighten your appreciation and bring a new depth to each moment you share with them.