Recently, I watched a video recording of a Q3 Planning with Sparky (MacSparky Labs) session. It was a time for MacSparky Labs members to assess their progress on their quarterly plans halfway through the quarter.
Many participants felt they had gone off track during the first few weeks and needed to find a way to get back to following their plans. Much of the discussion was about how unanticipated life events can become unexpected priorities and how previous objectives fall by the wayside.
Several people described how they used a life roles review to help them reset their lives and focus on doing what is important to them.
A Life Roles System Can Help Us to Reset Our Lives When We Wander Off Course
For several years, David Sparks has been teaching about the life roles system he uses to manage his life. He published a Personal Retreat Video and Planning PDF, describing how to set up a life-roles-based system.
Sparks recommends that the most effective way to start is to take a multi-day retreat to focus on setting up the system. However, if an overnight retreat isn’t an option, it is possible to spread out the process over time. See Creating a Life Roles-Based System: Exploring Alternatives to an Overnight Retreat.
1. Define Your Life Roles
Your first job is to define your life roles. It can help to start with the simple question, “What do I do?” Make a list of all the activities and responsibilities in your life, then look for the overarching life roles that these activities fall under.
For instance, in my life, I cook meals for my wife and me, set aside time to be with her, do fun things with her, and monitor how she is doing. When she was ill recently, I took care of her. All of these activities come under my life role as a Husband.
You will find that your life roles tend to cluster around general life areas such as relationships, interests and hobbies, and work. Defining and organizing your life roles will likely be an ongoing process, not completed in one sitting. But you can come up with a workable list during one focused session.
2. Write Your “Best Possible Version of Yourself” for Each Role
Sparks points to the Ancient Greek philosopher’s use of the Greek word Arete to mean excellence in our behavior. Your goal is to write a description of what “excellent” would look like for you as you live out each role.
It’s meant to be an ideal description. It is inspirational, not something we ever reach.
You can write your ideal behavior description for each role in a paragraph format or bullet points. I switched from paragraphs to bullet points when I found it easier to review my descriptions when in bullet points. Be sure to write them in an “I am” attitude instead of a “I should.”
Periodically Remind Yourself of Your Life Roles and Ideal Descriptions
If we had perfect memory and focus, we could go through the process of defining our roles and ideal behaviors one time, and it would serve to guide us and manage our lives.
My experience is, that no matter how often I review my life roles and ideal descriptions, they are soon forgotten when I get busy with life. I get distracted by chasing mental rabbits and the minutia of daily life. I love to explore and go off on tangents of learning.
Roles reviews help me to manage myself. They remind me of what I’ve determined are important parts of my life.
During your reviews, read each of your roles and ideal descriptions. Then ask yourself three questions:
• How am I doing?
• What could I do to be better?
• How do I do it?
This isn’t a time to beat yourself up, but to evaluate how you’re doing with each life role and see if there’s a way to move forward.
For more information about roles reviews, see The Power of Quarterly and Weekly Reviews.
Sometimes One Role Will Take Priority
There are times when one role takes priority over other roles. Usually, this is due to life circumstances.
This summer, I had about six weeks when all of my time and energy was consumed with preparing our home for sale, selling our home, finding a new place to live in another state, packing, moving, and unpacking. There was little time to focus on any other roles in my life. The Responsible Person role took center stage.
Having balance in your life doesn’t mean giving equal time to all roles. It means giving appropriate attention and focus to all aspects of my life. See Finding Balance in Life and _Life Balance is … About Intentional Imbalance.
Sometimes A Life Reset is Needed
After everything was done with the move, I felt I needed to reset my life. I’d lost my sense of direction and needed to be reminded of what I was supposed to do.
My weekly review (scheduled for Sunday afternoon on my calendar) was precisely what I needed. Reviewing my life roles and ideal descriptions, I reminded myself of the roles I’d been neglecting and made choices the next week to bring these roles back into focus.
If not for my role reviews, I’d probably still be floundering about what to do. I need role reviews to manage my life. Without them, I likely wouldn’t accomplish much.