I’m the kind of person that seeks to be intentional in my life. When I did my initial life roles identification and evaluation, I also wrote descriptions of my ideal behavior for each role.
These descriptions are idealistic and aspirational. I’m not there yet, and likely never will completely arrive. They describe the type of person I want to become. Many are more directions I wish to move in, but some of the descriptions are achievable changes. How will I become the person I intend to be?
Small Changes Over Time Add Up
We have a tendency to think life changes will be something dramatic. We imagine some gigantic event or turning point that will change our lives.
If I use this new app, all of my note-taking and organizing difficulties will disappear. If I take this course, it will result in a dramatic change in my working life. Everything will be different in my relationship with my wife if I move to a new home or city.
In my experience, that’s not how change normally happens. Most of the significant changes in my life are the result of small, routine changes made over time. I didn’t lose (and keep off) 15 pounds by going on a crash diet, but by reducing my calorie intake and exercising more over a period of 3-4 months.
As James Clear says in his book Atomic Habits, “Habits are the compound interest of self-improvement.” The small choices we make daily add up over time to define who we are.
The Three Levels of Life Change
In Atomic Habits, James Clear talks about 3 levels of change:
- Changing your outcomes. This is where we set goals for the outcomes we desire. We want to lose weight, run a marathon, or become a writer.
- Changing your process. We have to think about what actions it will take to reach our goals, then break them down into small achievable steps. We change our habits and our systems to make the changes we desire. If we would like to lose weight, we might follow a specific weight-loss diet or track all our food intake on an app to stay within daily calorie limits.
- Changing your identity. Clear defines this as the deepest level of change. He states, “The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes part of your identity.” Instead of looking at myself as someone who wants to lose weight, I identify myself as a healthy person who keeps his weight at a healthy level. I then make choices to fit this identity. Am I tempted to eat that delicious-looking muffin at the coffee shop? Yes, but since I’m a healthy person that controls what I eat I choose not to eat it.
Is Setting Goals Stupid?
I agree with James Clear that the deepest and most effective way to bring about lasting change is to change my identity. I envision the kind of person I want to be, believe that’s who I am, and then make my choices based on that identity.
While I agree with him, I find that at times I struggle with being able to fully believe in my new identity. Even though I know that’s the most effective way to bring about change, I sometimes find it just doesn’t click for me. I feel like an imposter if I’m claiming to be one thing, but haven’t made any changes to actually be that thing.
I often find it most effective for me to set goals, and implement habits and systems to achieve them. If I can also add the layer of believing in that ideal I’m working toward as an identity then that’s even better. But it’s not necessary.
Some have reacted to James Clear’s teaching about the value of identity as a deeper level of change than setting goals by taking the extreme position of, “goals are stupid.” I disagree. I think setting goals and implementing habits to achieve them are not stupid, but frequently very effective.
In support of the “goals are stupid” position, some point to the example that all NFL teams have a goal of getting to the Super Bowl, but only two make it, so most with that goal failed. While it’s true that merely setting a goal does not guarantee success, neither does it guarantee failure. For me, setting a goal makes it much more probable that I will achieve that goal. I doubt that everyone who decides to take on an identity follows through with the changes to make that identity real. Since believing in an identity doesn’t always work, does that make the process “stupid?” I think not. Just because a methodology doesn’t work for everyone doesn’t mean it’s not valuable or useful.
Most people who study the process of change acknowledge that merely setting a specific goal greatly increases the chances change will happen. Establishing habits and systems to bring about change makes achieving a goal even more likely. Believing in an identity adds a strong internal motivation for change.
The means of change is not an “everything or nothing” situation. All three levels of change are tools that can be adopted and used by people in the way that works best for them.
How To Become The Person You Want to Be
There’s a process I follow when I wish to make a change in my life. Perhaps it will be useful for you:
- Decide who I would like to be and what I would like to change. I set a specific goal or ideal to achieve.
- Think about reaching that goal as an identity. Rather than just thinking about the goal, I think, “What kind of person has this behavior?” If the goal is to lose weight, then the identity is a healthy person who has a healthy weight.
- What do I need to do to achieve that goal, to become the kind of person I want to identify as? I look at my goal and decide what steps I need to take to reach my goal. What would I do if I were the person I envision?
- Turn my steps to reach a goal into habits and systems. Nothing will likely change unless I transform the steps to reach my goal into small, concrete habits or systems that I use. If my goal is to lose weight, I have to reduce my calorie intake and increase exercise. To achieve that, I decide to adopt the habits of daily tracking all of my food intake in the FoodNoms app and going to the track every other evening to walk 2 miles.
- Keep doing my habits and systems until I reach my goal and become the person I want to be. To make that happen, it’s necessary for me to do weekly reviews of my goals to note my progress or make adjustments to get back on track.
It’s Possible to Become the Person You Want to Be
I believe that change is possible for those who would like to change. I’ve made major changes in my life, and I’ve seen other people do the same.
However, we don’t typically change just because we wish to change. To make change happen, it takes a combination of setting a goal, using new habits and systems to move toward the goal, and adopting a new identity.
When you want to make a change in your life, I encourage you to use all three levels of change. Mix and match them in the way that works best for you.