The Power of Focus: What You Think, You Become
Aging is inevitable, but how we age is up to us. While many believe that growing older means becoming grumpy, resentful, or disengaged, it doesn’t have to be that way. Our attitude—what we focus on and how we approach life—plays a significant role in how we experience our later years.
What we focus on determines our disposition and attitude to a great extent. If we focus on positives, we tend to be positive. If we focus on negatives, we are negative.
As Buddhist monk Haemin Sunim wrote, “Whatever we focus on, it will influence the overall state of our mind. If we focus on spring flowers, our mind will become bright and beautiful. But if we dwell on what went wrong, our mind will grow dark and depressed.” When Things Don’t Go Your Way: Zen Wisdom for Difficult Times .
Breaking the ‘Grumpy Old’ Stereotype
Older people have a sometimes well-deserved reputation for being negative, resentful, and unkind. The cultural stereotype of “grumpy old men” is often all too true. As an “older person” (age 72), I’ve observed this trend in my peers.
I think this is because as we age, we focus on the negatives of declining health, mobility issues, and the declining ability to do what we did earlier in life. When we retire, we lose our sense of identity and purpose. As we age, we’re forced to acknowledge the approach of death as more of our friends and family die.
When you ask older people how they are, they often give you a detailed description of their medical issues. That’s what they are focused on. They resent their declining health.
Turning Negativity Around: Embracing Positives as We Age
However, aging doesn’t have to be all negative. As we grow older, we can choose to focus on the positives.
It’s a matter of what we choose to focus on. After writing that we tend to become what we focus on, Buddhist monk Haemin Sunim concluded, “Therefore, we should be careful about what we choose to pay attention to.” When Things Don’t Go Your Way.
A. Focus on Positive Intentions to Live Positive, Vigorous, and Purposeful Lives
1. “It’s Going to be a great day!”
As part of my morning routine, I read (and often comment about my journal) this statement: “It’s going to be a great day!” I smile when I say it to physically reinforce the thought.
This isn’t some kind of New Age wishfulness thinking, in which I’m “sending my desire into the universe” and hoping that some unknown force will somehow manipulate things and people to make me happy. Instead, it’s an intention for how I’d like the day to go.
It’s often a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I start with the idea it will be an awful day, it probably will be. Likewise, if I start with the idea that it will be a great day, it will likely be that way.
2. “I intend to live a vigorous, purposeful, healthy life well into old age.”
A second positive statement I focus on every morning is, “I intend to live a vigorous, purposeful, healthy life well into old age.” Jason Elias, who wrote this intention in his book The Seven Graces of Ageless Aging: How To Die Young as Late in Life as Possible advises, “Giving dedicated attention to this intention can precipitate a shift from the old script to the new.”
This intention can also become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I believe that our minds are connected to and influence our bodies in ways we don’t fully understand. Also, if I intend to live a vigorous, purposeful, healthy life, I will probably do more exercise, eat better, and find activities that give me fulfillment and purpose. Having positive intentions for aging orients us in a positive direction for aging.
B. Death as Motivation—Let an Awareness of Death Give Meaning and Delight to Life
We know that we all will die someday, but in our culture, we often act as though we’re going to live forever. It’s time for us to face reality. As Robert Greene wrote in The Laws of Human Nature, “We must stop fooling ourselves: we could die tomorrow, and even if we live for another eighty years, it is but a drop in the ocean of the vastness of time, and it passes always more quickly than we imagine. We have to awaken to this reality and make it a continual meditation.”
Some find the idea of approaching death to be a cause for despair and negativity. Instead, we can choose to use the impermanence of life as a way to value and enjoy our lives more.
When we think about losing the things, experiences, and people in our lives, we don’t take them for granted as much. We appreciate and fully enjoy them. Knowing that everything will end, we value what we have more and delight in the moments of our present life.
As William B. Irvine wrote, “Why, then, do the Stoics want us to contemplate our own death? Because doing so can dramatically enhance our enjoyment of life.” A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy .
C. Stay Open, Stay Engaged: Embracing New Opportunities with Age
A third attitude we can adopt to avoid being pessimistic and depressed is to be open to new opportunities and changes as we age.
Maybe we can’t do everything we used to, but what other options are open? Perhaps we can modify some of the behaviors we enjoyed doing before so that we can continue to enjoy being involved in that behavior to at least some extent. I can’t comfortably backpack for 15 miles a day on a trip anymore, but I can hike 7-10 without excessive discomfort.
We need to stay mentally active and open to new ideas. We need to maintain an active reading schedule and be involved in relationships. We need to allow ourselves to be open to new opportunities.
I never planned to be a part-time ranger in the National Park Service, but based on a new interest and opportunity, that’s precisely what I’m doing now. I never thought I’d be a patrolling member of a Sheriff’s Posse, but I did that for five years after my retirement.
You never know what you’ll be interested in as you age. Stay open to new opportunities and interests. In return, you’ll receive a sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Embrace Aging with Purpose and Positivity
Aging doesn’t have to be a journey into negativity or regret. Instead, it can be a time of reflection, growth, and continued purpose.
What you focus on shapes your experience. By focusing on the positives, setting healthy intentions, and staying open to new opportunities, you can create a life filled with vitality, meaning, and gratitude—even in your later years.
I encourage you to ask yourself: What are you focusing on as you age? Are you dwelling on limitations or setting intentions that lead to growth?
Make the choice today to shift your perspective and start living with purpose. Take one step—setting a daily positive intention or trying something new. You might be surprised by how much joy you can bring into your life, regardless of your age.