We need role models, heroes, and mentors.
We humans learn best by watching others. Book learning is great, and we can significantly benefit from it. But it’s not the same as personal contact and positive influence from another human being.
Being around, observing, and learning from someone we admire and whose character we’d like to imitate is one of the most effective ways to improve our character and behavior.
The Roman stoic philosopher Seneca wrote a series of letters to his friend Lucilius, advising him how to become a better person. He wrote, “Associate with those who will make a better man of you.” Lucius Annaeus Seneca, Seneca’s Letters from a Stoic.
Our Culture Offers Poor Role Models
Many of our cultural role models are poor role models. Most of our cultural “role models” are not selected based on the quality of their character.
As Massimo Pigliucci wrote, “The problem nowadays is that, by and large, we do a pretty bad job of picking role models. We glorify actors, singers, athletes, and generic “celebrities,” only to be disappointed when—predictably—it turns out that their excellence at reciting, singing, playing basketball, or racking up Facebook likes and Twitter followers has pretty much nothing to do with their moral fiber.” How to Be a Stoic.
We must be aware of poor role models that can influence us. They can affect us in a negative way instead of a positive way.
Epictetus said, “The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.” Epictetus and Sharon Lebell, The Art of Living: The Classical Manual on Virtue, Happiness, and Effectiveness.
Who Are Your Role Models or Mentors?
It’s essential for us to identify who our personal role models are and intentionally learn from them.
There are some indicators of who your role models might be:
• Who is it that you look up to and admire?
• Who do you follow in newsletters and podcasts, et cetera?
• Do you have someone you consider a mentor, either recognized or unrecognized? You don’t have to be in a formal mentor relationship for someone to serve as a mentor. For years, I’ve admired and modeled behaviors on an individual in the productivity/tech field. He doesn’t know he’s my mentor, but he still functions that way for me.
“Who exactly do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? What are your personal ideals? Whom do you admire? What are their special traits that you would make your own?”
Epictetus and Sharon Lebel, The Art of Living
What qualities about the people that you follow or admire do you admire? What is it specifically about them that you seek to emulate?
Once we identify those qualities, it’s okay to imitate them intentionally. You’ll develop your unique way of exemplifying those qualities over time.
A Personal Illustration: My Role Model for the Last 40+ Years
When I went to theology school in the early 80s, there was a professor that I admired very much, Dr Carroll Osburn. He was always kind, and he was an excellent teacher. He did the highest level of academic research and writing. He had a rigorous, independent mind. He followed truth wherever it led, even if it led to places that our conservative religious tradition did not lead to.
He became my intellectual and life behavior mentor. We would go to lunch periodically and talk about things, and I watched how he treated other people. We attended a professional conference together. I came from a lower-income family, and he taught me by example how to behave in more affluent settings. I also saw how he interacted with people at a conference with kindness, respect, and a lack of arrogance.
I became his research assistant. He would give me a topic for an article or talk he was planning and tell me to research it. I would do so, and then we would meet and discuss what I had found and how that might apply to his project. My work with him became the focus of my last year of graduate school, much more so than the formal courses I took. He taught me how to research and think on my own.
He’s still a strong influence on my life. We’ve stayed in touch, and we’ve become lifelong friends.
He had a framed quote displayed outside his office door that I still think about and attempt to follow: “Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider.” Frances Bacon, Essays (1625) “Of Studies.”
Who Do You Admire, and How Are You Learning From Them?
So, who is it that you admire, and what is it that you admire about them?
How can you bring those qualities into your life to imitate and develop your way?
I challenge you to make a list of people you admire and the characteristics you admire them for. Then, think about intentionally implementing those positive characteristics in your life.